Boy, the kind of king sized pussy that I like.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, what are you doing to my leg?
Fucking bitch, that's my leg!
My baby!
No doubt about it.
What we got here is your basic serial killer.
Son, all of my love.
Forever, Dad.
Terribly sorry.
I seem to have a tooth stuck in my nose.
Cut, cut, cut!
Christine, I'll have this cleaned up for you in a second.
Ooh, a little bit of blue paint.
Not a problem.
You OK, baby?
You're stepping on my balls.
Of course not, you idiot.
I'm all covered in shit and snot.
I'll get you some more towels.
Here... here Christine.
My name's Jennifer, and I'm a PA.
Oh, lesbos.
You OK?
Yeah.
Don't worry about that guy.
He's a real mother scratcher.
Yeah.
No, I'm... I'm OK.
Thanks.
I'll be over here if you need me.
OK,
Blind director coming through.
Christine, that was great.
That was terrific.
Now all we have to do are a couple of pickups,
and we go right home.
Larry, my contract says 15 hours,
and I've been here 22 hours now.
I want to go home.
Well, of course you're going to go home.
You know, when we were doing that closeup, Christine,
I could have sworn you were Marilyn Monroe
in... in "River of No Return."
You were so beautiful.
Really, Larry?
Marilyn Monroe?
Well, maybe I could go a couple more times.
How do I look?
You look great, Marilyn... I mean, Christine.
Nice tits.
Pig.
Ew, Jerry, you disgusting freak.
Get away from me with that stuff.
Come on, Wardy poodle.
Don't tell me this little nose bleed is bothering you, buddy.
Not as much as your ugly face.
But why did you get into this stuff anyway?
Hm, why do you look at the crack of a man's
ass and thing, lunch time?
No wonder I lose my appetite when I look at you, sicko.
Look at these people.
They're miserable.
Hey, hey, hey.
Now listen, tushy pusher.
I love my job.
I don't even get paid to be here.
As a matter of fact, I would pay to be here.
So, if these people don't like it, they can get the fuck out.
Oh... oh, wouldn't know it?
I missed a spot with the blood.
Blood boy.
Blood boy!
You know Jerry, there are many ways
to express one's self other than more blood, more blood.
Here, hold this.
Ew.
OK, well I could try expressing myself
a bit more physically by giving you a nice punch
in the fucking lungs.
How would you like that, huh?
You shouldn't hit me.
I shouldn't hit you.
And why is that, my friend?
Well because you'll be nothing but a quivering
heap of pasty white flesh lying on the ground
begging for your momma.
Would you like that?
No.
I'm sorry.
No, I wouldn't like that at all, Casey, sir.
Come on. Come on.
It's a fake knife.
Come on.
What?
Really funny, Jerry.
I guess my father taught me a somewhat
different sense of humor.
I bet he did.
I'm glad that wasn't a real knife.
Come on.
Of course it wasn't.
We wouldn't even allow a butter knife on the set.
You know Benjamin's three rules of safety.
One, safety to humans.
Two, safety to people's property.
And three, make a good movie.
Yeah, too bead he can't seem to get rule three right.
Hey Jennifer, can you come here and hold my boom mic.
I got to tighten up this C-clamp.
Yeah, OK.
Yeah, that's great.
That feels so good.
Yes.
Nikolai, is that you?
Larry.
Oh man, we've been looking all over for you.
How you doing Larry?
I mean, yes.
You know, when you've got to go to the bathroom,
you've just got to go.
You know, Larry.
Hey, that's quite a turd you're pinching off there, man.
Whoa, Nikolai you know you ought to think
about squatting and thrusting.
Think about in Africa.
It really helps the hemorrhoids.
You know what I mean?
All right.
Well we better zip and tuck.
Better zip and tuck.
We got... you ought to get out to the set.
You know your whole crew is looking for you.
I... I'm cumming.
Larry, I need you to sign this, please.
Oh now, look.
Can't Nikolai and I get our business done in private
without you bothering us?
Oh, man.
Gee.
Man!
Sorry.
Have you seen Christine?
I've just been pissed on by a blind independent movie
director.
Yeah.
Ew.
Yeah, I think she went outside to, uh, practice her lines.
Fresh air improves memory.
I knew that.
Everybody thinks I don't know shit.
DJ knows shit.
Hey Todd, will you be ready in five?
I'd be ready now if it wasn't for the fact
that our fearless leader blew out my Sennheiser
with his real .44 Magnum blast.
So, how long, then?
Long enough for you stuck the Todd rod until you're
gargling with the Todd wad.
Beat it, fucko!
Oh, my nuts!
What the fuck, dude?
I'll put up with cheese sandwiches for lunch.
I'll put up with a crew that just fucking sucks.
But I draw the line at ball crunching.
I quit.
I fucking quit.
The Toddster is out of here.
And I'm taking my equipment with me.
Sayonara, suck wads!
Fucking severed fucking head.
Andy, Andy.
Are we ready to shoot the next scene?
Actually, no.
We're going to have to stop production.
The sound guy just quit.
Oh man, not the Toddster.
He had good potential.
Ah, what the heck.
Shoot the scene anyway.
We don't need sound.
Larry, the next scene is Sergeant Kabuki Man delivering
the Gettysburg Address.
Well, scratch that.
Let's go to that wild party scene.
Yeah, that's it.
I can see now.
We'll do a slow dissolve to the fraternity scene... the night
scene.
Make way for one drunk sound guy with a bottle.
Toddster's in the house!
This is the best damn bar mitzvah I've ever been to.
Party on, dude.
Is your boy man enough to handle this?
The Toddster can handle anything!
All right, Toddster.
I want you to suck it down.
Suck it.
Yeah!
Dude, I heard you quit your job.
That is cool.
I left Benjamin with his cheap ass dick
in his penny pinching hand.
Hey, didn't you say some actors guest starred some
of Benjamin's older flicks.
Like Kevin Costner, or some shit?
Yeah, Robert De Niro and Samuel Jackson.
So fucking what?
Dude, when can I see some of those movies
you stole from them?
What the fuck?
Do you guys want to discuss my employment history
or get stoned off our ass with these fine foxy ladies?
B, definitely B!
How is that?
Are you referring to that mysterious, yet
beautiful, woman standing over there with her back to us?
She looks like fresh meat!
I think I'll go cut me off a slice of that fried bologna.
You go, Toddster.
You rule, Toddster.
Toddster, Toddster!
Hey, baby.
Do fries go with that shake?
Tell me.
What is that fountain over there?
That's Thor, the god of love.
Thunder!
Love.
Why quibble?
Yeah, quibble.
Tell me...
Todd.
Most people call me the Toddster.
Do you live in the house, Toddster?
Right upstairs.
Toddster, Toddster, Toddster!
I hate frat boys.
Hey, if it wasn't for those assholes,
we never would have met.
Welcome to the Todd pod.
Who did you say you knew here?
Oh, baby.
You're going to fuck Todd, and see God.
Ooh!
Damn, bitch.
Tell me, Toddster...
It's all for the Todd bod.
Don't you think it's a little bizarre?
Yeah, this is bizarre.
That a frat house of young boys...
We're men!
That's right.
That these boys would have a statue of an angelic male
with an erect penis in their living room?
Wait, I... I told you.
That's about fucking.
I don't know, Toddy.
Sounds like a little something else to me.
What are you saying?
And my name is the Toddster, please.
What I'm saying, Toddy, is that you and your boys
are really pansies who want this up their ass.
Ass?
Wait, wait, wait.
Dude, my ass!
Time out.
I don't play this way.
Wait!
Ooh, OK.
That's OK. Wait, there's a butt in my anus.
There's a butt in my anus.
Take the butt out of my anus.
Wait, that's expensive coke.
Oh!
You said you liked getting stoned off your ass.
No, that was a figure of speech.
Oh, for God's sake!
My Hershey highway is a one way street.
Ugh.
Dude, my bong!
I got that in Cancun.
You are a freaky chick.
I could get into this.
OK.
This is your brain.
Dude, my brain!
And this is your brain on drugs.
Brain go bye-bye.
Oh god, my ass!
Randy, are you OK?
Yeah, baby.
You want a beer?
What's the matter, baby?
You don't like light beer?
Jennifer, are you all right?
Jerry, what did you do?
Oh hey, hey.
I'm sorry.
That was really cornea joke.
It's the lash time I'll do it.
I promise.
Here.
Hmm.
Hey... hey, Jennifer.
I'm sorry.
I thought you were Christine.
It was just a joke.
Well, you were wrong.
If I'd have seen how tired you looked, I wouldn't have.
Oh great.
So now I look tired.
No, Jennifer, that's not true.
You don't look any more tired than the rest of us.
In fact, you look about 10 or 11 times better
than the rest of us.
Want to go inside?
Yeah.
Come on.
That was much better. Ready?
One.
Better. Two.
We're getting there.
Three.
Yo, what's up with his daughter, man?
She hasn't said a word since she saw mom get killed doing
that interview that Larry did on "The Morton Springer Show"
two years ago.
Shit.
What happened?
Jerry told me about it.
That fucker Springer set Larry up.
Like he goes on the show thinking
he's going to do an interview about, you know,
independent filmmaking.
And the next think you know, it gets all fucked up.
Right, right.
What happens is Springer calls Larry a commie pinko
flesh peddler and all this other conservative propaganda
bullshit.
- Bullshit, man. - Yeah.
The mother fucker works the audience into such an uproar
that they attack Larry.
His poor wife was in the middle of it all.
She ended up trampled to death.
Trampled.
The people got the nerve to call Troma sick.
Yeah.
Very good.
Good, good, good.
Wonderful girl.
And if nothing goes wrong, this will be
the best brain explosion ever.
I wonder what this button does.
Oh my god!
Stop it.
Don't touch it!
Out of my way, you old man.
Hey Moose, I fucked your grandmother!
Your ass is mine, rinse boy.
Oh Larry, help me.
Quiet!
Quiet, quiet.
What's going on?
Quiet, everybody.
Now look, I'm the director.
I am the director.
Look, I am the director.
Now, I'm not saying that because I'm on an ego trip
or for some kind of bullshit artistic vision.
I'm telling you this because I've been directing 10 cent
movies for 30 years, and I think I know a little bit
about what I'm doing.
And I also know something about the world
because I'm a 52-year-old asshole.
It's a horrible world.
There's starvation, dismemberment,
torture, rape, cornholing.
It's horrible out there, but it's worse... it's
worse here in the movie set.
It's much worse.
We have danger and stupidity.
I don't want somebody dying on my set.
If someone dies here, I'll blow my brains out.
It'll be your fault. My career will be over.
It'll be your fault. Now if I have to go around an wipe
your asses, just let me know.
Just let me know.
I'll get some toilet paper.
I'll run around to each and every one of you
and wipe your asses.
Let me know.
Do I have to wipe your asses?
Yes or no?
No!
I don't believe you, but we better soldier on.
Now... now let's make some art.
Oh, it feels so good.
If only I wasn't blind.
Sarah!
Yeah!
I'm cumming.
I can see!
Oh, I'm cumming.
Oh, and I can see.
I can see myself cumming.
Oh, it's so beautiful.
Oh, yeah.
God.
Cut, cut, cut.
That was great.
Oh, that was great.
That was really great.
Excellent.
Hey, Ward man.
According to these new revisions,
Toxie finds out that the chemical company
responsible for turning him into the Toxic Avenger
was called Junko Chemicals.
No way.
Yeah, yeah.
Apparently is was owned by his father who made
this plant that made Toxie sick and Toxie never even knew it.
Oh my god.
All these revisions, it's absolutely ridiculous.
I'm sorry, what?
We change the script every day.
It completely changes everything.
Yes.
You can do whatever you want to.
It's this chaos from which the best shit emerges, Casey.
How can you like this offensive garbage anyway?
Because it is offensive.
Look, sometimes pissing people off is the only way
to get them to look at shit.
See, even Mad Cowboy agrees.
So do I. Benjamin was the first director to deal honestly
with AIDS way back in '85.
Right, right.
You call having a mindless nymphet getting
raped by an evil general with AIDS
dealing honestly with the subject?
Right. Wasn't that great?
You know what's also great is that you
can order that movie and all of Larry's other movies on VHS.
And on DVD with the director's commentary.
Safely and securely online or via mail order.
What's that, Mad Cowboy?
You want the website address.
It's www.troma.com.
Hey, Jerry.
It looks like homeboy is getting his swerve
on with your girlie over there.
You know, I was starting to think
you were an all right guy for a fag and everything,
but now you're pissing me off.
Yeah, that's right.
Jerry.
Yo!
Larry wants you here for the guy
getting eaten by the escalator.
OK, coming.
Oh well that's fine, Nicolai, except for the fact
that this is supposed to be a bloody violent bloodbath.
No one is going to believe that this guy is getting eaten
by an escalator if we don't do the closeups
of the torso popping open and the organs getting squashed.
You're still going to use the escalator
in my office building, right?
Sure we are.
We're just using this model here for special effects.
You know, that way we can use the blood
and all the disgusting stuff.
Hey everybody, guess who's here?
It's Jacob Gelman, our main investor.
You know, he's the father of Louis,
our best production assistant.
Fuck you, Dad.
Give me some money.
That's my boy.
Jacob, perhaps you'd like to stay and watch the filming.
Although for an exciting guy like you,
I guess it's just a little bit boring.
Actually, I just remembered I got
this real important appointment I got to go to.
I got to leave right away.
Honey, don't wait up for me.
I got to go.
Hey Jennifer, I... Jennifer, listen.
About this morning, it was a really stupid thing to do.
I want to make it up to you somehow.
Can I... can we watch a movie? "I Got You," maybe?
Or can I buy you a drink?
That's it.
Hey, Jenn.
Hi, Casey.
Are you following me?
No.
I'm just passing through.
Then I guess I'm lucky that I found you.
I think I'm going to puke.
Hey, I don't know what you're doing now,
but I could eat a poopy sandwich I'm so starved.
Do you want to go get something to eat?
To eat? Sure.
That would be great.
I'd like that.
I think my mom should be OK for a while.
I'll just go get my stuff.
OK.
I'd invite you to come along and everything, Jerry,
but you're feeling so sick and all.
Hey, Casey, why don't you just give yourself head, man.
All right?
Or better yet, I could give you some head.
Fuck your mother, man.
What the fuck does Jennifer see in you, anyway?
Uh, uh, uh.
I think it's a little more of what she doesn't
see in you, potty mouth.
Oh hey, Jenn.
We're just doing a little fight choreography here.
Oh, I want to be a stuntman.
You ready?
See you, Jerry.
Oh my god.
You're so big.
OK, girls.
Keep it up.
I can make you both big stars.
And I guess I'll have the chicken
salad sandwich with those little ruffled potato
chips and a Coke.
Oh and please, no pickle for me.
Because I brought my own that I pickled myself.
I learned it from my dad who taught
me the ancient and secret art of pickling.
That's really fascinating.
Yeah, yeah.
You want to try one?
Hm, OK.
Mmm.
It's filled with salty goodness.
What the fuck?
Oh!
Ooh.
Pickle in my butt.
Rrr.
That's not a pickle.
Man, I'm full.
What's that?
I can't hear you because I got a pickle in my ear.
Yeah.
Boy, this is fun.
It seems like I've spent my whole life
forgetting how to have fun.
I take care of my mom for so long, since I was a kid.
I'm sorry.
It's the way they run health care in this country.
I've had to work my ass off just to get health insurance.
I mean, look at me.
I have no ass.
Well, your ass is big enough for me.
Thanks.
You've mentioned your father quite a few times.
It's sounds like you really get along.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's great.
I'm really proud of him.
Would you show me in a flashback?
Sure.
My father built his empire from nothing.
And he always seemed to have time for my mother and me.
He had a great nose for business which I inherited.
And he never, ever brought his stress home.
But now I'm found.
Was blind but now I see.
I love you, Daddy.
I love you too, Casey.
But most important, He loves us too.
I wish my life had been like that.
I've been working so hard to take care of my mom,
I had to skip college except for a couple of semesters.
I finally saved up enough to do this film.
I think it's my chance to break in.
You know, I just want to make enough money
writing and directing to take care of my mom.
Sure, you will.
Why wouldn't you?
I don't know.
I see Benjamin running around, giving orders and everything.
Oh, you can do it.
I swear by my pickles.
You'll be the next Penny Marshall.
You'll be in a league of your own.
Nah.
It's getting late, but I had a really good time.
Thank you.
Oh, uh... sound doesn't have to be on set until 7:30.
Yeah, but I was thinking of going home
and putting a Spielberg movie in. You
know, like "Always," or "1941," or something
really great like that.
No matter what Jerry says about him,
Spielberg is the greatest director that has ever lived.
Oh, I guess I can watch that movie that Jerry gave me.
What is it?
"My Life as a Loser, the Jerry Story?"
No.
That's really funny.
Yeah.
It's "Shark" by Sam Fuller.
Something like that.
Yeah, yeah.
Sam Fuller, the American no-talent
embraced by those French derelicts and dilettantes.
You've got to be careful with those Frenchies.
You know, they also like Jerry Lewis.
OK.
Well, thanks for the spinach salad with balsamic
vinaigrette.
I really appreciate it.
Good night.
Hey wait, Jennifer.
Do you... do you want to come over
and... and maybe we'll watch Jerry's movie?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Why not? Tonight.
Right now. Are you sure?
I don't... I mean, I understand...
No, no.
Don't be... don't be silly.
I want you to... to come.
The diner scene was filmed in front
of a live studio audience.
That was pathetic.
"Shark."
There is only one movie about a shark, and that is "Jaws."
Spielberg, you know.
I think that and "Hook" are probably his best films.
You have to give him a little leeway.
It doesn't look like he had that big of a budget.
Well, if you don't have the money, then gee whiz.
Don't make the movie.
Casey, we work on a low budget movie.
That's where we met.
I know.
And that's where you meet people like Jerry.
You know, he just really bugs me with his bull honky
about independent movies versus the mega conglomerates.
Is that your bedroom through there?
You know, Jennifer, I got my father's eye for bull honky.
And I can tell that with Jerry I really
have my nose up a cow's pooper.
Or a Mad Cowboy's.
I mean, I like big name, big budget movies.
I mean, that's what we always thought movies were about.
You know? I mean, it's what we like.
Right?
And I... I like you.
I like you, Casey.
Do you want a pickled egg?
My... my father and I, we've been making pickled eggs
in celebration of Father's Day.
We made them last year, and... yeah, they're
definitely just about ready.
So, they're tasting pretty good.
So...
Casey, I just want to make you happy.
That's sweet.
I... you know, I just want to be happy.
Why?
Why don't we just take care of you tonight?
OK.
Thanks for being such a gentleman.
You bring it out in me.
Thank you.
Bye.
Oh, Mom.
Mom.
Mom?
Hi, Jennifer.
You're home early.
What time is it?
It's late, Mom.
I told you not to wait up for me.
Oh.
Come on.
Let's get you to bed.
Put your glasses on.
Yeah, there we go.
Don't worry about me.
It's you I'm thinking about.
Make sure you're pursuing your dream.
Live a little.
I am, Mom, a little.
The ... building will
be closing in five minutes.
So, get out.
Phooey.
Oh Jiminy Crickets, I lose everything.
Oh, where is it?
Oh.
Hi.
Can I help you?
Oh, it's lost.
This is the second contact lens I've lost today.
I can't see a thing without it.
Now I missed my train too.
That's OK.
There will be another in an hour.
And since you can't see, how would you
like to have a devastatingly handsome gentleman
like myself show you where you can drink while you're waiting?
You wouldn't mind?
No.
Perhaps I could buy you a drink for your help.
What a wonderful idea.
By the way, my name is Jacob.
How would you like to be in this movie I'm investing in?
Oh, I could give you a head shot.
Would you like a square of chocolate?
I didn't think so.
I love this stuff.
I could eat it all the time.
Light chocolate, dark chocolate... any kind you want.
I love dark chocolate with some nice red meat.
And of course white chocolate with fish.
Hey, forget about the bar.
Let's go up to my office, and I'll
show you the script for that movie I was telling you about.
What the hell was that?
If you throw out my back, you're in big trouble, missy.
I could have helped you.
I could have made you a star.
You don't think you're going to be in my movie now, do you?
Man, that hurt.
I'm going to get my lawyer after you.
Why did you knock me down the escalator?
I got money.
I'm rich.
I got a private jet.
Get off me, you bitch!
Going down?
Maybe you need some help, tubby.
Red meat is bad for your heart.
Oops, there it goes.
Never mind.
You're one of the biggest fucks I've ever had.
We now take you live
for an eye witness account.
Madam, could you tell us your first reaction
when you found the mangled body of this mean old fat bastard?
My first... my first reaction, I believe was....
I know how painful this must be for you,
but can you tell us what is your net worth?
Mommy, Mommy!
Look at my new toy.
Whee!
Oh no, not razor blades.
Hey, get that thing off!
Get his balls out of my face.
Larry, you ruined my scene!
Cut, cut.
He fucked it up, man.
Thank you.
That was nice.
What the fuck is going on in this movie set?
Andy.
I'm sorry, but with all these revisions, it's so much work.
And I actually have to think.
Can you just tell me when the life affirming rape scene is?
Tomorrow between the double leg amputation
and the Cuisinart circumcision.
Life affirming rape scene?
How are they going to do that?
Well, Larry dreamed it up last night while listening
to a woman's radio show on NPR.
What happens is Toxie's girlfriend
turns the tables on the rapist by acting like she's into it.
Yeah, I heard that show too.
The loss of power fucks the rapist up.
It takes away his advantage.
Yeah, and then Toxie comes in and saves the day
by grabbing the bad guys, pulling their tongues out,
and shoving it up their nose.
Does that really work?
What, shoving a tongue up a nostril?
I don't know, but the effect is marvelous.
You wouldn't believe it.
I mean, turning the tables on a rapist.
According to Larry.
And NPR.
Come on, little girl.
You can talk.
One, two, three.
Tell you what, sweetie.
If you do it, I'll let you hold my PoPo.
That's filthy, you dirty bitch!
Don't talk to Daddy like that, PoPo.
You want a sucker, Peter Piper?
What are you wearing?
Go play, Audrey.
Jerry, this is very important.
OK?
OK.
Don't get any of that green shit on my hair, on my face,
on my nipples, or in my pussy.
OK?
That Christine's a real pain in the neck.
Isn't she?
Yeah.
Do you think she's really interested in Jerry?
Christine?
Well, I don't know.
Beats me.
Why do you ask?
Do you like Jerry?
No.
I like you, Casey.
Listen, I really enjoyed eating your pickles the other night.
And I was wondering if maybe you'd like to do it again?
I... I think I'm going to pack it in early tonight.
I picked up "Titanic."
I really want to see it again for the first time.
OK.
Jennifer.
Beat it, bitch.
Suck it.
Jennifer.
Jennifer!
I'm coming, Mom.
Hey, everybody.
Everybody, listen up, please.
This moment is a time when we are
going to be taking place in the pantheon of film history.
Yes, "Terror Firmer" is going to have more bullet
hits than any movie in film history,
except perhaps Sam Peckinpah's "Wild Bunch."
But we're going to have exploding breasts,
and that's far more historically significant.
OK, let's get set.
Hurry up. Come on.
- Come on. - All right.
Let's get ready to shoot.
Do we have the squib man ready?
Here we go.
Settle, and roll camera A. B... roll camera B. B!
Roll camera C. Rolling B.
And action!
And cut.
Abercrombie, the acting was terrific.
But that affect in the forehead where
the forehead gets blown up.
It didn't sound right.
It didn't sound real.
Let's get a nice pickup.
Set it up again, folks.
Pick up on the forehead.
Hey, Larry.
Yeah?
This guy's dead.
Of course he's dead.
He's been shot a kabillion times, you dummy.
Come on.
Now look, please redo it again.
Come on. Pick up.
Let's go.
I... I didn't set a bullet hit for his forehead.
That's what I've been trying to tell you, Larry.
This looks completely fake.
That guy is really dead.
Whoa.
I think it's a wrap for the day.
All right.
Let's dig a hole and call the New York Post.
Larry.
Hey, Larry.
It's time for us to do our scene?
Yeah, we've been rehearsing all day.
And I totally got my motivation down.
I'm totally into this two sex freak.
Oh, fuck my Jesus on a pogo stick.
Let me ask you a question, Benjamin.
Where were you the night of the first murder?
I was out murdering the members of the film crew,
but not on this set.
I was at home alone pickling.
I was with Casey.
I mean, I wasn't with Casey.
I was with Casey.
I was playing a little skin flute.
I was taking my grandma to bingo, man.
Is this about the men's room at the YMCA?
If you want me to talk, you're going to have
to stick your hand up my ass.
Could I use your night stick?
Don't I get a phone call or something?
Fuck this shit.
My dad is rich.
He's got his own private jet.
Who, me?
I'm Sergeant Kabuki Man, NYPD.
I'm one of you guys.
What are you looking at?
Why are you staring at me like that?
I didn't do anything.
We didn't get much out your crew.
So that really just leaves you, Benjamin.
Well I'm working on a theory, officer.
You see, it's the right wing conspiracy.
What they do is they get people to dress
up as the Toxic Avenger and come and sabotage movie sets.
They do things like that.
Hillary Clinton knows all about it.
Ah!
Officer, you just bitch slapped a blind guy.
Let me ask you something, Benjamin.
How is it that you didn't know that this fat fuck Gelman got
eaten by an escalator?
Look officer, perhaps you haven't noticed, but I'm blind.
I haven't read a newspaper in a very long time.
Now you can whack him.
You know, your killer's choices of victims
indicate some sort of personal animosity
against you and your company.
That's brilliant, officer.
Since you disclaim all knowledge,
I think the thing to do is to keep this production running.
Right?
That way we'll catch this bastard pretty quick.
OK.
Now can I make my stupid movie, please?
Not yet, Benjamin.
We're going to have to brutalize you a little bit.
Plunger.
No permanent damage, I promise you.
But we got quotas.
You know?
Hey Nicolai, is that the same actor in the Mad Cowboy suit?
No.
Andy found a new monkey.
Oh.
Hey Andy, set it up.
Set it up. Come on.
We got to shoot. Come on.
Clear the set. Let's go.
Clear the set.
Quiet, everybody.
Casey, roll sound.
- Speed. - Slate in.
Slate in.
And action.
I have a beef with the butcher, Mrs. Goldberg.
And no meat's no.
Oh, really?
Oh, oh, oh.
Larry!
We didn't rehearse this.
There appears to be something wrong with Mad Cowboy.
Cut him out of there.
Hurry up. Hurry up.
Cut him out of there, but don't damage the Mad Cowboy costume.
Ew!
Larry, someone slipped in some chocolate pudding.
Who asked for the chocolate pudding effect?
This is still my film.
Then I guess this is your dead guy too, Larry.
This isn't chocolate pudding.
Get him off of me.
Get him off of me!
This shit is falling on my dress.
Who's in that Mad Cowboy suit?
Oh my god, it's Old Phil!
Oh no, not Old Phil.
Somebody start digging a fucking hole.
This is definitely not chocolate pudding.
Oh my god.
Houston, we have a problem.
Can I get everybody over here?
I need everybody.
I need all of you over here right now.
Andy, help me out.
Can I get everybody over here?
Can we cut this light?
We all miss Old Phil very much.
Bless his heart, he climbed into that Mad Cowboy costume,
and he died with his hooves on.
He died doing what he loved.
Let's hope we can all be so lucky.
We who remain must move on and renew our dedication to safety.
Phil would want that if he weren't dead.
So let's be careful out there and make a great movie.
All right? Let's make some art.
OK, people.
We can do this.
Oh my god, he's got an Afro!
Larry wanted me to come out and talk to you losers.
Mr. Director says that in the wake of our recent losses... boo
fucking hoo... we can still make a good movie.
Yeah right, Larry.
You guys owe it to yourselves and to those
no longer with you.
You know what this freak Stephen would
have said if he were around.
Man, he'd tell you fucking douche bags to move it.
We got to go make some art.
Hey, there's no driver in here.
Oh my god.
There's no driver here either.
Don't give up the fight for truly independent cinema.
OK.
Let's get to work.
With all this violence and carnage,
I'm glad we're leaving.
Oh, really?
Well... wait.
What is that in the road?
A head?
Ah!
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
Look, it was good acting, good acting,
but the reading was a little off.
You know it's supposedly to be, what is that in the road ahead?
What is that in the road ahead?
Now, now, look.
Also, you're supposed to be a seductress.
Can you please read this a little more with that slutty
whore bitch vibe?
We love that. We love that.
OK? All right.
Take two. Take two.
Here we go.
Ready?
And action trait.
Take two.
Call it. Call it.
All right.
Quiet on the set.
"Terror Firmer," sound 252.
Action.
With all this violence and carnage,
I'm glad we're leaving.
That does not sound like slutty whore bitch.
Could... could you tell me what's wrong?
What's.
It's just that this car reminds me of the one
I lost my virginity in.
Huh?
And that reminds me of my father.
Well, sometimes when you have something
to eat around this time, it could be really good.
Food, food, food!
Give me that food.
That will help in times like this.
Here, here, here.
Oh, we had bagels after he raped me.
Larry, I think we need to take a break.
I think she needs a break.
A break?
Let's have a nice break.
Let's have a nice break, Christine.
45 second break.
Hurry up.
So when Toxie finds out the chemical company is
responsible for his pregnancy, he decides
to abort his mother, the baby.
Abort his mom? His mommy?
How the hell am I supposed to sell videos of that?
Half the country will be offended.
Oh, but wait.
It gets better.
Christine, the bitch psychiatrist,
decides to kill Toxie, cut out his womb,
and incubate the baby.
Larry, Larry, Larry.
Now you want to do an abortion in the story?
Larry, please.
I'm begging you.
Be reasonable.
I guarantee you.
Blockbuster won't even look at this.
Look, the abortion stays.
I'm an artist first and then a businessman.
And then a foot fetishist.
Now Ben, where's that toilet?
Over here, dude.
I'm such a lucky girl.
I have the most beautiful nose in the world.
Hey, baby.
What the hell is your problem?
You know what my problem is.
I heard you ask the script girl out for drinks last night.
Baby, this is crazy.
You got a boyfriend for Christ's sake.
Besides, you're screwing everyone else on the set.
Oh, and that gives you the right to fuck the script girl?
Hey, I'm the Toxic Avenger.
I fuck whoever I want.
OK.
OK, Toxie.
Give me your big hairy mop.
Yep, Andy.
I've been doing a lot of thinking.
And in spite of all the horrible things that
have happened on this production,
we've got to march forward and continue it.
You're right, Larry.
We've got a responsibility to the young people
all over the world for these important social statements
that they're waiting for.
You're right, Larry.
And we're the torch bearers for independent filmmakers
everywhere.
You're right, Larry!
Now, where are them big-titted women at?
Yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, you slut.
Call me a filthy slut.
Oh, you filthy fucking slut!
Yes!
Yes, yes.
You son of a bitch.
Poopy, you said you were never going to do this again.
Oh, he's... he's raping me.
Yeah, he's raping me.
I'm not raping you.
Rape, rape, rape!
You lying fucking slut.
Don't you ever talk to my girlfriend like that.
Remember Larry's three rules.
Safety to humans.
Christine!
Oh my god!
DJ did it.
He finally killed Christine.
She's dead.
Uh.
I'm not dead, you idiot.
DJ's going to kill that faggot ass mother fucker.
You want some of this?
You want some of DJ?
I'm going to kick your ass, nimrod.
Come on.
Open up, you scumbag.
Jim, are you... ew.
Don't worry, everyone.
I know CPR.
That's it!
DJ and I are leaving.
We've had enough of this shit.
Yeah, Christine and I quit.
And you can find yourself another actress
to play the psychiatrist.
Do you want to carry this shit?
Ah, forget it.
The couch is a little off, but the lighting... you know,
the chandelier.
No Larry, the chandelier up there...
Larry, we have no actors.
There's no one to play Toxie.
There's no way we can shoot today.
Of course we're going to shoot. We got to shoot.
I don't have a completion bond. We got to keep going.
Listen, guys. Listen.
Why don't you let me play Toxie?
I've been watching these movies since I was dick high.
I am Toxie.
I'd buy that.
Wait a minute.
There's still one more problem.
We still need the psychiatrist.
And no time to audition.
Who do we have?
Jennifer.
Yes?
Didn't I hear something about you wanting
to direct a film someday?
Absolutely.
Well, did you know, Jennifer, that the best
directors have always been actors
before they became directors?
Really?
That's very interesting.
Yeah, John Ford, Howard Hawks, all the great directors.
The women too.
Ida Lupino, Leni Riefenstahl, Penny Marshall.
Well, well.
Scratch Penney Marshall.
Look, Jennifer.
Don't make a blind old man beg.
With the mortality rate rising here,
and we're behind schedule.
I got no completion bond.
If I don't get this film done, I'm going
to blow my fucking brains out.
And besides, filling in for Christine
would be a heck of a good educational experience.
Yeah.
I'd do it.
Isn't this a sex scene next?
Well, sort of.
Sort of, but we make it very, very comfortable for you.
We would only have the required personnel.
We call it a closed set.
I don't know.
I... I've never done anything like this before.
Who's playing Toxie?
Jerry.
Well, unless of course you don't want me to.
I would understand.
You know, you don't know me.
And I don't know you.
Wait a minute.
Wait.
She doesn't want to do it with Jerry.
Hey, now Casey.
You're not the script person.
Are you doing revisions again?
I told you.
Look, you are the boom.
Man you just go back to the boom boom room.
I can't believe I'm taking this shit from...
All right.
Look, you guys.
I don't approve of this.
Jennifer, you shouldn't have to do this.
OK.
I see what's going on here.
Casey wants to play the Toxic Avenger.
Right, huh?
That's not the point.
I just don't think you guys should pressure her
into doing something like this.
What do you mean, with Jerry?
No, with anyone.
I mean it's... it's not right right.
It's wrong.
Of course it's right.
It's a... it's a little movie.
It's got to be right.
Yeah!
We're making art here, man.
It's history. It's history.
How about this.
Her mother is sick, OK.
And I don't think she's thinking straight,
so I'm going to speak for her in this situation.
I think I can speak for me.
Thanks. Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead, Jennifer. Speak for yourself.
Tell us.
Think about this, Jennifer.
Will you do it?
I... I... I think... I think... I think
I'll... I think I'll do it.
I'll do it!
Hey, Jenn.
I just wanted to say before we get going,
that if I have some sort of a physiological response
during the... you know, a physical reaction.
I... I just don't...
Oh, no.
I won't hold it.
I mean, I won't hold it against you.
I just want to say that I'm really glad that it's you
that I have to do this with.
I mean, you're nice.
Thank god Benjamin ordered a closed set.
Right, right.
Only necessary personnel.
As if the audience won't be able to tell that
we have a completely different actor in the Toxie costume.
I guess Benjamin's not one to use the C word, huh?
What, cunt?
Continuity.
What you talking about?
None of these shots will match.
I don't think anyone's going to notice.
And that's why you work here.
Fuck you.
OK, we've got the closed set.
Only the minimum number of authorized personnel.
This is the biggest closed set I've ever been on.
Whatever happened to no authorized personnel?
Who are those people up in the scaffolding?
Is that my third grade teacher?
Hi, Jennifer.
Isn't that the guy from the deli?
Hola, Jennifer.
Is that Joe Franklin?
Hey, hey, hey.
Where's that...?
We want to see that flesh, that naked flesh.
Who... where are those 30 school kids?
Bring them in. Bring them in.
They go right behind here.
If you don't get this camera rolling right away,
I fucking quit.
Roll camera.
69.
Action.
As your psychiatrist, I insist that we try
a radical new form of therapy.
In this role playing exercise, I will be the rapist,
and you will be the rapee.
In this game, the power is taken back by you to make
it a life affirming rape.
Are you ready?
Yes, doctor.
I want you to rape me.
I want to fuck me all night long.
Couldn't we just talk?
No, you must be the aggressor.
Well in that case, I'd like to rape me and fuck me
all night long.
Whatever you say.
You're the doctor.
Ooh, cut, cut cut.
OK, my friends.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,
and everybody else in between.
I am once again...
We did it.
We did.
It wasn't so bad.
I love you, Jennifer.
Turn that camera back on.
PoPo like.
PoPo like!
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes! Yes.
- No. - Yes.
Yes.
No.
Yes.
That's a cut.
That was great.
Jennifer, you were good.
You were really great.
Wonderful, everybody.
That was...
Jeez.
Let's get ready for take two, the exact same thing.
Take two.
OK everybody, back to your positions.
This is great.
I can't believe it.
I can't believe we just did that.
Me either.
I got to play the Toxic Avenger.
The guys at the Chiller convention
are going to be totally jealous.
What?
That's easy for you to say.
I have to answer to my mother when I get home.
What do I tell her if she asks me how my day was?
Hey, if your mother is half the woman that she raised,
she's going to be very proud of you.
I'm very proud of you.
And I think we all are.
You're well on your way to becoming
film director, Jennifer.
I'm just hoping it's true what they say about the camera
adding 10 inches.
Hey, Jerry.
Yo!
We need you for the projectile diarrhea
and the colostomy bag decapitation scene.
OK, coming.
Coming.
I'll show them.
I'll show them all.
Hey, foxy baby.
What are you doing here?
You got a nice ass.
Be careful.
Get into the car.
We go to see the Sam Fuller film festival.
You mean the guy who made "Shark?"
Yeah, we like him almost as
much as we liked Jerry Lewis.
You must be French.
Yeah.
Hey, Larry.
Where the fuck did the fat kid go?
I sent him over to special effects.
He's... he's having his head life cast.
He's going to be the guy who gets
his head squashed between the cheeks of Toxie's ass.
Larry, it would be cheaper and faster
if we just used this melon with the wig on it
like you always do.
I know, but this is a film we ain't skimping on.
OK Yeager, now we're ready to apply the alginate.
Man, I'm going to cover your eyes, your nose, your mouth.
And it's very important that you don't move.
It's going to get hot.
If you feel a little panicky, just give me a signal.
OK? OK, Jerry.
All right.
Here we go.
You are lucky we pick you up.
You know because since we are here we are such a success.
We have dozen of phone calls from very,
very beautiful girls.
Yes.
You don't have very big tits, do you?
But it will be OK.
Don't worry.
Yes, you know it remembers me the girl we have last night.
We have suck sex.
Funny, funny, funny party all together.
She has some big tits and I made some scandalous...
Yes, because we have a suite you know where a lot of models
come for a good fuck.
It's good.
You know what the name of street?
It's orgasm street.
Sick.
Come on baby.
Let's have a French kiss.
I think I'm going to be sick.
OK Yeager, one more step.
And then in 10 minutes, we'll have a perfect cast of you
head.
Now, it's very important that you don't move or breathe,
or blink, or do anything.
OK?
Can hear me?
Give me a signal.
Fuck you.
OK, great.
I'll be back in 10 minutes.
Got to go see a man about a severed leg.
Hey.
Hey, can you hear me?
Ooh, can you see me?
Ooh, deprivation of the senses really gets my juices flowing.
Can you feel this?
OK.
It was very nice meeting you.
But we can go.
OK.
Nice meeting you.
And you don't even have big breasts.
Big breasts?
I'll find them big breasts.
Big breasts.
So when Kabuki Man attacks me, nothing is
going to happen to my breasts. Right?
Right.
Larry Benjamin runs a very safe set.
Rule number one, safety to humans.
Because I've spent way too much money on these
breasts to get them screwed up for any part in any film.
I know.
I know exactly what you mean.
Bye-bye, big booby bitch.
Thanks for the mammaries.
Oh my god!
Oh my fucking god.
Hey, poppy.
I'm a feminist prostitute.
What's that?
Why don't you take me back to your place, and I'll show you.
Well, I'm an actor in a low budget film,
so I don't make much money.
Now you know what it feels like to be a woman, a second class
citizen.
I love Sunday drives.
Oh, Edgar tells me you've been bad.
And we're going to have to clean you off down there.
I refuse to use tampons because tampons are a male dominated
money making industry that exists only to oppress women
and stem the flow of ovarian energy.
Let me show you what if feels like to be a woman
in today's oppressive society.
Come on, baby.
Tie me.
You can tie me harder than that, you bitch.
Come on.
Oh, I like that.
Ow.
PoPo's getting a really big woody, baby.
Sexual harassment is no joke, PoPo.
Yeah, oh, I like that.
Yeah, so do I. Oh yes, baby.
Oh, masturbate on me, baby.
Yeah.
... mommy and daddy.
Daddy?
Speaking about daddies, 52% of all American fathers molest
their little girls, I mean boys.
Girls, boys.
What are you planning on doing?
PoPo!
Ew, raw meat's bad for you.
PoPo, PoPo!
PoPo!
PoPo, my baby!
No, no, no PoPo.
You killed PoPo, you bastard.
My puppet!
You haven't been listening to a word I've been saying.
The only thing you'll understand is
the ultimate feminist symbol.
I know it's a bit of a stretch.
You're killing my dick.
You men are so selfish.
It's always me, me, me.
Don't expect me to make breakfast.
Casey?
Casey, it's me.
I was on the way to the set, and I just wanted
to make sure you were OK.
Casey?
Whoa.
What?
Oh my god.
Ow.
Shut up.
So, you've always wanted to come into my bedroom.
What do think?
Move and die.
OK?
So, I wasn't enough for you.
Is that right, sweet tits?
That's right.
Tits so sweet you had to push them in his face.
Bitch.
The whole damn crew could smell the damp stench
of your perfectly functioning little pussy.
It drove everyone crazy.
It drove Jerry crazy.
I'm crazy.
See them?
Mementos of the pain I feel each god damn day.
Constant reminder of what I am missing, of what I once had.
I hate all of you.
This whole fucking society is sick.
But I tried to love you, Jennifer, until I realized
you could never love me back.
And for that, I think I'm going to cut off those titties
and stick them in a jar.
Put a nice label on it.
Casey, what are you talking about?
What's wrong with you?
What's wrong with me?
How dare you?
You don't even know who I am, what I am.
As my father told me, to be a man, I must become a woman.
My only strength would be to drive men crazy.
He told me that to be a good little boy
is to be a little girl.
And to be a good little girl, I must want to be fucked,
sucked, touched, and molested.
It wasn't my fault that I do what I do.
The fault is yours.
You daddy had to choose what he wanted you to be.
It is your tits and your pussy that put up the lust in me
in the first place.
Your daddy just wants to teach you.
Your daddy wants to made you whole.
That's it, make you... Make you perfect.
See, look at you.
You're beautiful.
My son, Casey.
I love you, Daddy.
I know what Jerry wants.
Oh my god.
You're a woman.
No.
I am nothing.
What's that?
Ew.
Oh, it's nubbin, honey.
But it really used to be something
back when I was perfect, when I was the super sex.
Is that why you never got undressed in front of me?
Precisely, Jennifer.
And now that the secret's out, what the hey.
Why not hump my nub?
Let's just take care of me tonight.
How does it feel, Jennifer?
Huh?
Come on.
Why don't you scream and moan like you did for Jerry?
Huh?
Come on, Jennifer.
Scream and moan like you did for Jerry.
Let's do it the old fashioned way.
Huh?
Do I need a key to get there?
How does it feel?
Huh, Jennifer?
Come on.
How does it feel?
Scream and moan like you did for Jerry.
Huh?
Yeah, I like it.
I like it a lot.
You're the best man I've ever had, Casey.
That's right, cunt.
Oh, you're such a beautiful woman.
What the fuck are you talking about?
That's right.
I want to take you right now.
Come on, Casey.
Please.
Oh, you're not so strong now, are you?
Oh, that's it.
Come on.
Feel me.
You know you want to.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did that hurt?
Because now I'm going to rape you.
Why are you doing this to me Please, I don't want anymore.
I'm cumming.
Oh my god.
Daddy.
No, Daddy.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see.
Better?
I told you I had my father's ears,
my father's eyes, my father's nose and my father's pee pee.
Choo choo.
OK, Jeff.
What we're doing here is a Bromo puke, right here.
So you got your cap of bromo. You got the green stuff.
First, this.
Second, that. Boom, boom.
Shoot them together.
Bam bam.
Jeff, don't spit this in anybody's eyes.
It can blind you.
Keep doing that.
I'm got to go and make a phone call.
Count down for the big finale.
Come on, Jennifer.
Come on.
What's going on? What happened?
Casey's apartment.
Jerry... no eyes, no ears.
Oh god, Jerry.
Who, who?
Casey?
What... what are you talking about?
The whole time I was with Casey.
There's a little nub, and there's boobies.
And pickles, Jerry, pickles.
Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer.
Now snap out of it.
Get a hold of yourself.
What happened to Casey?
Tell me.
Well, Casey's a killer, Jerry.
What?
And then he threatened to rape me.
And I... I... I turned the tables on him, just like you said.
And I raped him.
I mean I raped her.
I mean I think I might be gay.
Come on.
We got to get you back to set.
Let's go.
Come on.
So Casey's not here, big deal.
Someone else will do the boom.
There's no dolly shots, right?
Ward, Ward, Ward.
Where are you? Where are you?
Take the boom.
Call it.
All right.
Quiet on the set.
Roll sound.
Speed.
Camera rolling.
Mark it.
Cue cat fight, girls.
And action.
Oh my god.
Toxie, please save me.
He grabbed Christine.
He thought she was Jennifer.
We didn't rehearse that.
What's going on?
Oh my god.
It's him.
He's here.
Who's here?
Casey.
Hey tried to rape and kill Jennifer.
- What? - Oh my god.
It's him.
It's her.
What?
I mean it's him.
What?
I don't know.
Christine, where's Christine?
It's Casey.
He's got Christine.
And he's singing.
DJ.
Dude, he's got a bomb.
Jerry.
What are you doing, Casey?
Why, Jerry?
Why couldn't you have loved me for who I am?
It could have been me, you, Jennifer.
The three of us, we could have been perfect.
I could have been everything to the both of you.
Jerry, could you have loved me if you knew I had these?
Dude, you got your ass kicked by a chick.
No, not a chick.
But not a dude.
I am neither, neither, either, either.
Not man, not woman... But a perfect third sex,
both male and female.
That is until my father cut off my dick so he could
have a little girl to fuck.
He taught me what it means to be a woman.
But it took you, Jennifer... my first love... and all of you,
and now Jerry to teach me about complete rejection.
Aw.
Hey, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Now look, Casey.
How many times do I have to tell you.
You are not to work on those script revisions.
Get away, old man.
I won't let your words twist my mind any longer.
I'm going back to waitressing.
I am here to do the only thing I can do,
the right thing to do, to rid the world of all this sickness.
We all must die.
Go ahead.
Say something to him.
Yeah man, it's you he loves.
Get in there.
You can do it, Jerry.
No, no Casey.
Casey, you're wrong because I love you.
Ditto.
Right.
"Ghost," right?
That's my favorite.
I love it.
Now, come on.
Just be a good little girl or boy and just give me the bomb.
Do you think I'm beautiful?
Of course I do.
You're beautiful.
Faggots.
Do you like my tits?
Of course I do.
And my pussy?
These movie people are disgusting.
I... I love them both.
Now come on.
How, Jerry?
How could you love me after all I've done and all you know?
That... that doesn't matter, Casey.
OK.
So, do you love my stump penis?
Did he say penis?
Dude, you got your ass kicked by a chick with half a dick.
Fuck it.
We all die.
The perversion must end.
Family values must be saved.
No!
This is a Troma movie.
We're dead. We're dead.
We're not dead until I say we're dead.
One, two, three!
Save yourselves.
Where's the bomb?
Where is that bomb?
Uh oh.
You fucking bitch.
Bruce, only prop knives are allowed on the set.
Oh, shit.
Oh my god, it's a goofy knife.
Look, he's got a real knife.
Oh, shit.
Give it up, Casey.
There's nowhere to go.
Shut up, Jennifer, you bitch.
Let me go, Casey.
Yeah, Casey.
You're through.
Amazing grace, how sweet
the sound that saved a wretch...
Even if you kill me, they're all going
to stop you, you fucking freak.
Shut up, I said.
Hey guys.
Can I help?
You bet your ass, baby.
Fire in the bung hole.
I just wanted to get laid.
Benjamin's first rule of production, safety to humans.
You, Jennifer, you'll die with me.
Jennifer, look out!
Does it look real?
One, two, three.
Ah ha!
You killed my daddy, you maniacal,
media manipulated, homicidal, hermaphrodite, freak of nature.
And "Titanic" stunk.
Yes!
Die, you selfish scene stealer.
OK, freeze.
And don't you move, either.
Do you hear me, you big bag of slime.
Now you drop that cane.
Drop that cane.
Do you hear me?
He's moving.
This is a live one.
Back me up, guys.
Back me up.
This is a baddie.
All right.
Let him through.
Back up, you muckrakers.
Move it.
I realize this must be extremely, extremely painful
for you at a time like this.
But I want to know how did you feel when you
found out your son was a body part pickling, hermaphroditic,
lunatic?
Is it true he cut your tongue out?
How many times did you make love to your son?
I mean, your daughter. All right.
That's it.
Get out of the way.
Back up.
I can feel it coming.
Breathe, Melvin, breathe.
Breathe.
I can see the head.
Breathe, Melvin, breathe.
You have no idea how much this hurts, Sarah.
Oh, it's a baby.
And the baby is your mother.
Oh, Mommy.
Oh, I'm the happiest father a wife could be.
I'm the happiest son a mother could be.
Now we're just like every normal American family.
God bless us, everyone.
Hi guys.
I hope you all enjoyed that, the final work of Larry Benjamin.
Unfinished, of course.
You know, Larry was an artist who
never compromised despite a lifetime
of critical assassination.
Sure, he was a filmmaker of dubious taste
and talent at best, but he was an idealist.
And he was a true martyr to the cause of independent cinema.
I know.
The word independent has been bandied around and used
and abused and misused by the media
suckled masses so much that it seemed
to have lost its meaning.
And these same people would have you
believe that a filmmaker like Larry Benjamin is a lost cause.
Well, I'm here to tell you people
that sometimes... this time... A lost cause is the only cause
worth fighting for.
Hm?
Larry understood that in order to be creatively free,
you have to be spiritually free.
And you can't be spiritually free if you're enslaved
by the institutions of money, of society,
of government, or religion, or corporations,
or... oh, oh, my brain.
I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Huh?
Oh.
Um, I'm sorry.
I don't want us to suck the big fat corporate dick.
Sorry, Mom.
But if we continue to hold the true light of democracy
in our hearts and fight for our freedoms,
we can finish this film.
Larry Benjamin sacrificed himself for us.
He didn't leave us any money, but...
But if you'll fight with me, if you'll work with me,
we can do it.
We can finish this film.
Let's go make some art.
I don't need that Bimmer.
I can feel the love.
I'm drowning in it.
This is for you, Larry.
Hello, guten tag...
You might know me as Lemmy from Motorhead,
the musical combo and also as an actor
in films like "Tromeo and Juliet."
But today I am here to speak on an issue
of great social significance, hermaphrodites.
Marginalized and victimized by the constricting laws
and gender rules of modern society,
the plight of the hermaphrodite has, until now, remained
obscured by a cloak of public distaste and indifference.
Prevailing medical wisdom dictates
that this third awful sex be eliminated through surgery
and hormone therapy.
Motorhead and Troma joined an accord
to stop the mindless mutilation of the rare...
Creatures.
If you'd like to work for the cause of the rights
and well being of hermaphrodites everywhere,
contact Troma at www.troma.com or visit
your local public library.
Let's work to make it a more tolerant tomorrow for all
those people with both sets.
Thank you.
This public service announcement was brought you
by the good people at the Hermaphrodite's.
Unified Movement for a More Understanding Society, HUMMUS.
I have no friends and girl don't love me.
So I've got radioactive ugly.
Toxic pool sailors.
Cut, cut, cut, cut.
No, no no.
What does she have on there?
Please, what is that?
Get it off her.
We've got to have some nudity in this scene.
Jerry, I thought you were going to get some blood on this guy.
So anyway, I was thinking.
What is going on here?
If I can't find a way to figure this out...
Toxie's eye is not even dripping.
Whee, whee, whee!
Do I have to wipe everybody's ass on this set?
Get some blood on this guy.
My brain.
Ow, my brain.
I am going to blow my fucking brains out.
Yeah, great movie.
That was... that was really, really good.
Good fucking job, Kaufman.
- Oscar material. - Where's my money?
Yeah, come on.
Where the fuck's our money?
Where's my money?
This is bullshit.
Guys, we're still rolling.
Shit.
Fucking Jesus.
What's going on?